I find solace in knowing that as I grow older and deepen within my soul my internal struggles seem to be calming and integrating. I also agree that it is my choice to grow from my experiences. Being adopted is a placement of always being in the middle somehow. Of reconciliation and forgiveness. Of pretending you are 100 years old and the wisdom to understand all sides, meaning all that are involved are in the triad. There is never a day that I don’t think about my birth mother. I love her in a way that is untouchable, incorruptible and spiritual. I love her. I love my adoptive mother but there is a restraint in that relationship, which was for me so transformative it made me who I am today. I think she knew that I saw her so we were going to have to try (which we did) and eventually separate. My adoptive mother to me was an enigma, she had kind of a Betty Davis personality and I felt I had to be her Achilles Heal, it was something I was made for and no one else was going to challenge her. Her strategies were upfront and forceful. My strategies were always involving the unknown waiting for my moment to unleash my energy, Taurus vs. Scorpio I suppose. My adoptive mother has long passed on. I was the only person she was speaking to her when she died. She had chased most away, others had left the planet. I always clung to her special gifts not her downfalls. But I fought her on her delusions and manipulations and held her accountable. It was tiring but created liquid gold in me and gave me a strong sense of justice. I thought she and I were supposed to go through this lifetime together. I have hope that she finally found peace for herself and know her better in her absence, honestly. I believe I chose my life plan, to learn and to understand how complicated life can be. I certainly learned a lot about love-all different types of love and how that matters to me and those in my life. What the both have taught me was to love myself. Unconditionally.
